If you're dating a man who swears love early in your relationship, it can be difficult to determine whether his feelings are genuine. Before you find out, make sure you like him enough to see him again (sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised how many women stick with guys they don't like because they're afraid he's the last bus out of the station). Then set up another date. Let him know you're flattered by his interest, but that you have reservations about his proclamations of undying affection. Meet him in a neutral location like a restaurant or a bookstore. Provide your own transportation until you're a) utterly convinced the man is harmless or b) your friends have met him. Whatever you do, do not pressure yourself to feel something for him if you don't, no matter how many roses he sent beforehand. If you ever start thinking you owe him something, it's time for you to spend a few nights catching up on Law and Order reruns--by yourself. Tell the guy you need time to think. His response to your request will indicate whether he respects your needs, or if he is indeed a psycho. If he allows you a few days to yourself, that's a great sign. He's secure, and he's considerate of your feelings. If he doesn't, think very carefully before you see him again. You may be inviting a control freak, or worse, a stalker into your life. If you decide he rates another date, be alert. Do his actions match his words? Does he tell the truth? How does he treat the clerk in the convenience store? How does he talk about other people, particularly his mother, sisters, and female coworkers? At no point should you tell yourself that because a guy has fallen in love with you that you must seize this opportunity for romance. If it isn't right, your life will be hell. Take Sally. She married a man who proposed to her on the first date. For most of their 50-year union, when he wasn't criticizing her cooking or barking at her to fetch his cigarettes, he remained slumped in front of the TV in a vinyl-upholstered recliner. Her life is a far cry from that of my cousin, who married a man two months after meeting him. My cousin had the advantage of knowing what she wanted in a man and in a relationship. She did not blind herself with romantic fantasies. She kept her eyes wide open, which allowed her to determine that the guy would make her happy. Love at first sight does exist, but make sure the lover is worthy. If a man swears his undying affection soon after you meet, congratulations. Proceed cautiously, and you just may find yourself happily married to a good-natured, successful man like my cousin's husband. Proceed hastily, and you may end up with a life-sapping tyrant like Sally's. |
