Ecclesiastes 1:14

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

I can't tell you how many times this last year I have prayed these exact words; What DO you want from me? I truly love the Lord with all of my strength and all of my heart and all of my soul...but now what? For me, there is this constant, strengthening magnetic pull from within to serve, the only problem is that I have no idea what it is I am suppose to do. Most people that have witnessed me, and my behavior, this past year are probably convinced that I have some rare form of adult spiritual attention deficit. I hop from one mission to another in a heartbeat, continually waiting for that special one that is going to fill this great need of servitude in my heart. There have been times that I, myself, have thought there was something seriously wrong with my brain.

All I can say is that it hasn't been for lack of trying on my part. Although none of my missions have filled the need in my soul, they have each nourished it in some way. The greatest thing I have achieved is a true love for people. In the past, I have always shied away from interacting with others. Maybe out of fear, maybe distrust, but more than likely just plain old lack of self-esteem. Other people seemed to have it all together and here I was still trying to figure out how to just be a decent wife and mother.

I have to admit that I started losing faith in my purpose. I gave everything I was doing 100% and yet nothing was bearing fruit as far as I could see. So I quit. Maybe the Lord didn't have a purpose for me, so I might as well just do the dishes and be done with all my hopes and dreams of being a true servant. It wasn't until I quit that I started to hear the Lord's answer and it was nothing near what I imagined. In the quiet of my heart, He asked what I wanted. Of course this started another argument in my mind, surely He missed a prayer or something because I wanted to serve HIM. But no, He doesn't miss prayers; He knows my heart even when I don't, so why was He asking ME what I wanted? This definitely sent me into a tailspin for a while. Sometimes we get to thinking so much, that we forget how important it is to listen.

When I finally shut my mind up long enough to listen, the message was clear, God wants me to be happy. Whoever said that there is beauty in simplicity, knew how to listen when the Lord speaks. God doesn't need you to change the world. That's not saying that the world doesn't need help, but seriously...He's got it under control. Sometimes we get so full of our own knowledge and influence that we forget where it comes from. You alone cannot cure world hunger, you alone cannot shelter the homeless, and you alone cannot remove hypocrisy, hate and evil. What you alone CAN do is trust that all of the little things you do every day make a difference to God and HE ALONE can change the world. It's an amazing concept I know, but definitely one worth experiencing.

Psalm 13:5 But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.